Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
