Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
