hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
