Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
