I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
