Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
