Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
