i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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