I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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