i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
