just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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