look no pants
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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