Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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