don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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