Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
