I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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