Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
