I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
