why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
