Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
