the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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