I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
