so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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