gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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