"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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