So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
