I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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