don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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