i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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