I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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