Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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