I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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