Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
