glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
