I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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