God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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