Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
