She said her name was "party"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
