we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
