I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
