No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
