creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
