why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My liver is preforming stress tests.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
