im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
