I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
