At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
