He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize