Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
