OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
