He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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